made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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