Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize