So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
