Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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