Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
