You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
