Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
