xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
