OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
