Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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