the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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