Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
