Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need to calm my uterus...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
