put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
