Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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