So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize