I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
