I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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