so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sext me about skeletons
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize