Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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