i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
