So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
