Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
