I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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