Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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