My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
MIDGETS
????
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
