Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
