Your favorite bartender is back from prision
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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