Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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