I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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