I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
