It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
