Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
