as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
