Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
