But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
