Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
