I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
