Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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