ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize