Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
