Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
