I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
