Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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