paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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