My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
