Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
