Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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