Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize