Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
