If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
