I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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