My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
