2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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