Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
