I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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