The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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