I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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