3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
