Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
