Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize