On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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