I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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