it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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