I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
